I feel so blue

howru · 发表于 2008-7-22 09:24

I am really frustrated with my relationship this time. We've been fighting ever since the third month of this relationship. Nether of us are bad person. But we are both hurted badly. We grow up in totally different settings and we are educated in completely different ways. We did try to end up this relationship a few times but it just didn't work out. We all promised each other to start all over again and spend extral effort to cultivate our love, if there is any left by now, and hopefully to see it blossom. There were even times we plan to get merried. However, nothing seems changed and we are just getting hurted by others again and again. After a number of fights, we all lost our confidence to this relationship. But we are still together. The reason being is that I am not sure if she could get over the break-up without doing anything silly and crazy. She's a nice girl. I don't want to see her crash herself. If this could be true, I hope I could be the one to take all the responsibilities and consequences. At least, I am a man. I am stucked...lost my mind...don't know what to do...

roof · 发表于 2008-7-22 10:32

If you can not accept other's weakness, it's better end it early

叮叮当当 · 发表于 2008-7-22 12:06

I know this is hard. But if the relationship is doomed, better end it sooner than later. She will hurt even more if you drag this thing too long. Now being together is just suffering. Both of you are nice people and deserve a better relation than this. Try to talk to her when both of you are calm and say just separate for a couple of months. See if you guys still need each other after those days. If you feel bonded to her, then continue. Otherwise, end this relationship. After the days, both of you would be more sensible.

sunshine_39 · 发表于 2008-7-22 23:41

end it now

沧海月明 · 发表于 2008-7-23 00:26

能过下去，就和，不行则散——优柔寡断将会伤害双方。

云山水月 · 发表于 2008-7-23 07:47

难得见朋友用英语讲这些。支持一下。感情上的事，关键是容忍。没有哪家夫妻是完全没有矛盾的。

望明月 · 发表于 2008-7-23 08:28

原帖由 云山水月 于 2008-7-23 08:47 发表
4 M( e; c @- `- L难得见朋友用英语讲这些。支持一下。感情上的事，关键是容忍。没有哪家夫妻是完全没有矛盾的。

这个看起来像是在实际斗争中总结出来的^_^^_^.

我认为容忍也得在没有大的分歧的情况下才能去做的。如果道不同，则应该不相为恋。

Dawson · 发表于 2008-7-23 12:56

Word of wisdom---> It's time to move on...

叮叮当当 · 发表于 2008-7-23 14:05

原帖由 望明月 于 2008-7-23 09:28 发表
' N/ E+ l+ M/ V* |/ P' H
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这个看起来像是在实际斗争中总结出来的^_^^_^.
8 \ V/ r( r! T- S* h' |5 Q/ z+ n% _0 q2 S6 v( ?/ V( D0 }* H( a
我认为容忍也得在没有大的分歧的情况下才能去做的。如果道不同，则应该不相为恋。

被你说对啦，开心开心！从失败中总结经验。

howru · 发表于 2008-7-23 14:17

thanks guys for all your responses. I have no one to confide to in reality, so I just try to seek help and comfort from virtual internet world. Fortunately, I got the replies from all of you. Thanks again.

As a matter of fact, my mind suggests me the same thing as you guys did. But my heart prevent me from doing that. Everytime we talk about break-up, she starts crying and torturing herself in fairly bad ways. I just couldn't take it. Then my heart becomes soften and the break-up fails...

I've been told that a man should be "hen" to himself some times. I just couldn't go there...

阿虎 · 发表于 2008-7-23 14:43

This is exactly what's happening to me and my ex-gf，爱是恒久的忍耐与恩典，if you cant contain her or vise-versa, just let go；or you both really try hard to be patient。

叮叮当当 · 发表于 2008-7-23 15:30

"Everytime we talk about break-up, she starts crying and torturing herself in fairly bad ways"......

Torturing herself?
Definitely not good...
This is pathetic.
I once knew a guy whose gf threatened to kill herself when he tried to break up with her. Then he gave up and married her. They had a baby now and it seems things work ok. But, I don't know. I just feel this is not right. Anything extreme is not good. But if she hurts herself, you will feel guilty for ever. It's a dilemma. I don't know how to deal with it.

howru · 发表于 2008-7-23 19:51

原帖由阿虎于 2008-7-23 15:43 发表
9 y# y, f; @8 g- J0 D& FThis is exactly what's happening to me and my ex-gf，爱是恒久的忍耐与恩典，if you cant contain her or vise-versa, just let go；or you both really try hard to be patient。

thanks for sharing. Could I ask how did you break up with your exgf in the end?

howru · 发表于 2008-7-23 19:52

原帖由 月色如水06 于 2008-7-23 16:30 发表 1 H! o. _# D( E# C
"Everytime we talk about break-up, she starts crying and torturing herself in fairly bad ways"......
! K# v! P; ~% }( i
$ A' N; U- ?9 u9 MTorturing herself?
. d) `' `, h' GDefinitely not good...2 Q1 \3 v& Q8 b, a% f4 B3 m
This is pathetic.4 o" M& N; y Z/ L9 ?3 D& C
I once knew a guy whose gf threat ...

thanks for your honest. i guess i'm just stucked. or maybe get merry with her like the guy you talked about? i don't know....

howru · 发表于 2008-9-3 12:11

somebody stole my post....

cutemaggie001 · 发表于 2009-1-18 13:27

I wish i have the chance to break-up (divorce)
So many fighting, i just couldn't bear any more/

北美人 · 发表于 2009-1-18 13:51

Cherish what you have.

We always think those we don't have are better than what we do. It could be true. But that is not the point. The point is there is always something better around the corner. That is not a question. The question is how much longer you want to be shopping around?

Ask your heart. Does it hurt when you see her suffering? Do you still care about her? Does she care about you? Other than fighting, do you have quality time with her? If your answers to all these questions are YES, you should know what to do.

Good luck!

醉酒当歌 · 发表于 2009-1-18 15:15

同一生相比，性格不和早点分手对双方都有很多好处。痛很短暂，请相信。就是爱的死去活来，最终能否一生最重要的就是：性格的融合性(compatibility)

原帖由 howru 于 2008-7-22 09:24 发表 + E! X7 R$ z, F3 l& K* x( b+ s: s
I am really frustrated with my relationship this time. We've been fighting ever since the third month of this relationship. Nether of us are bad person. But we are both hurted badly. We grow up in tot ...

[ 本帖最后由醉酒当歌于 2009-1-18 15:16 编辑 ]

我在故我思 · 发表于 2009-1-18 21:44

Well, as my understanding, if you could not have a good relationship in the first three months, probably you cold not expect a good one afterwards. Silimarly, you could not get married in the first several years since you had started your relationship, you also could not expect a good one.

As my personal experience, I married my ex because I worried if she would do bad things to herself if I dumped her. The result is, I got divorce anyway. I know what I mean? if you think somebody is not the right one, just leave him/her. If s/he threats to kill him/herself, tell him/her: go ahead, that is your human right, man. I would not even try to stop you doing that.

You gotta respect yourself first, and make yourself, otherwise, no way for you to set up a happy family and make all the members happy.

Recently, I met a girl. She had such a interesting experiece which i would not think it is real before I talked to her. She had been in a relationship with a guy for seven years. Oh, my lord, can you believe it, they never met each other! She said one day he disappeared from the another end of the line and that is the end of the relationship.

She keeps herself busy and gets depression. She is very busy and she gave me the time window of the whole week and asked me to call her and talk to her. I thought about it and never dialed the number. It is weird, and I do not want to have a girl friend with lots of baggages. Nobosy wants, to be honest. I do not neet to take any resposibility to release youe baggage. That is you, need to do it. I thought if in seven years, you guys can always got an excuse not to meet each other, how can I believe your love, and you are mentally healthy.

Hehe, just as I said, 闪婚，　if somebody is your right one, s/he will be the right at the very beginning, there is a doubt, believe me, man.

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I feel so blue

just let go。